Yes, actually I do work. Full-time, even. I know, it seems like I am never there but its really just that I like to use every spare moment of my sick leave and vacation time sitting on the couch doing one of the following:

1. producing pounds of snot and hundreds of used kleenex which, while I try to throw them into an empty paper bag, usually end up in the posession of one of the dogs. I know, its gross--but they lick their butts and apparently snot is even better than butt.

2. sitting/laying very still, lest my back just rip itself out of my body and walk off in a snit. I'm only 25 and yet I have the back of a 60 year old.

3. throwing up or feeling like I'm approximately 3 seconds away from doing so. This has actually gotten better over the last few weeks. I no longer spend the majority of my time actually in the bathroom, now I'm merely contemplating it.

Today, its door number two. I pulled a muscle in my lower back--get this--taking off my shoes. Oh..you just can't make stuff like that up. Oh well--its not a major pull, just enough to keep my on the couch today watching the Amy Fisher story on Lifetime.

I'm feeling pretty good although I have the first OB appointment tomorrow. I had to make it with one of the nurse practitioners (over my protestations that I really needed to see one of the actual doctors). My luck, of course, I get B., the nurse I hate. Shes the one that brushed me off when I told her I was having problems conceiving. My cycles were, oh, 12-13 weeks but she just wasn't ready to admit I had a problem. I yelled, I cried, I walked out. And now, lucky me, I get to go back and see her. I miss my RE's office. I really looked forward to the reassurance of ultrasounds and high-tech solutions and I fear tomorrow will provide me with nothing to combat my fear that this pregnancy is in trouble.

Why? I have no idea. Maybe its the bleeding that showed up on the ultrasound, maybe its just my extreme pessimism. I don't know when it will all be ok--probably not until I have actual living, breathing, crying, pooping proof in my arms. I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and I've been in deep consultation with Dr. Google this morning trying to find exact miscarriage rates by week but haven't had luck yet. All I can find is that ever so vague 5% post-heartbeat stat and I want more.

So anyway, I'm home knitting today on a hat for the hubby. He went through my entire stash of yarn (all 11 tubs of it) and picked out some of the most boring yarn I had. Its true boy yarn--although at least I should be happy its a color. And I love him, so I'll make whatever he wants.

its not like I'll be busy lifting weights or anything anyway.