Another monday, another ultrasound, right?

I have to leave in about fourty minutes and I have 32 oz of orange juice and water to drink before then. oh--and not pee.

I have no idea why they want me to do all this drinking when they will probably have to do a vaginal ultrasound anyway, right? I mean, I'm only 9w5d. Surely, even with an extremely full bladder, they won't be able to do an external. oh well...at least I like OJ and water.

The new Knitty is out. I've already fallen in love with Tubey and I was going to stop by the Yarn Garden in Annapolis for some baby sweater cotton anyway so I might just have to pick up the cashmerino to make a sweater for myself. (here is where I use my significant abilities to "forget" about the FOUR other sweaters I currently am working on. oh--and that hat, shawl and two pairs of socks as well.)

I'm feeling a lot better than I was the other day, I'm glad everything seems to be going better and I finally pulled out my old doppler and searched around for the heartbeat. I know it was early but I figured maybe it was just something that might take a little time to find. Sure enough, I found it after about 10 minutes of searching. It was wonderful and has really brightened my outlook on things.

Only half an hour to go...and about 28 more ounces to drink!

I'll update on the ultrasound later!

update: everything is a-ok! yay!

Posted by fruitychick at 11:52 AM | Permalink

The last few days have been nice. I have finally started to be optimistic about this pregnancy. For so long, I was sure it wasn't going to work, I was sure the hcg results wouldn't be good on the repeat test, I was sure the ultrasound wouldn't show what we hoped for, I was sure of so many things and I was proven wrong.

I was glad I was wrong, of course, but still feeling like it was all just too good to be true.

But then, as the days turned to weeks, I started to count my chickens.

Then, I started spotting. I had my appointment with nurse ratched, which wasn't exactly as bad as I thought, though she will always be nurse ratched to me. I was a bit peeved a few things she had to say but, honestly, I'll never see her for an appointment again and I'm going to wait to get answers on my care from someone, oh, less evil.

Anyway, the next morning, I noticed a little blood on the tissue in the morning. I tried to calm myself by realizing I had just, well, pooed and that might have been the cause. Then I went to work and there was more once I got there. Admittedly, it was not a large amount--but it was red blood. very red. I sat and teared up in the bathroom for a while and then went back to my desk to call the OB. One of the nurses, Betsy, in fact--one of my favorites--said not to worry--it was probably just a little bleeding from the exam I'd had the day before. I said I know, I was just a little concerned--I know blood is never a good sign. We hung up after a few more reassurances from her end.

Then she called back about 20 minutes later. She had checked with one of the doctors and I was to have an ultrasound "just to be safe" and I was to go home and put my feet up and drink lots of water.

So I did--I called and made an appointment for a sonogram but they can't take my until monday. The bleeding has stopped--it was never really much to begin with but it was enough to really upset me. I really thought I was feeling optimistic and good about this pregnancy. I had even gone so far to buy a couple of baby-centered knitting books. Something I had, until now, still avoided because of the ugly reminders of last time. See, knitting is something my grandmother taught me to do when I was just a kid but I never really got into it until last year, when I wanted to knit something for my daughter--who I was about 4 months pregnant with. The combination of knitting and babies has been hard for me ever since and I thought my ability to think about knitting for this baby was a real step forward for me, as weird as it sounds.

But, apparently, I am still hanging over the edge of pessimism--holding on with the thinnest of threads. I feel fine now--I'm glad I'll have the ultrasound on Monday anway but I'm more disappointed that I can't be as happy and secure as I'd like to be. I dont want the failures of the past to be a shadow over this pregnancy and my baby. I know I will never forget Gwen but I also want to love this baby in the unique way he or she deserves. I hate that I can't do that yet. I know its still early and I have a certain right to be scared--I just wish I didn't have to be.

Posted by fruitychick at 10:24 AM | Permalink

Yes, actually I do work. Full-time, even. I know, it seems like I am never there but its really just that I like to use every spare moment of my sick leave and vacation time sitting on the couch doing one of the following:

1. producing pounds of snot and hundreds of used kleenex which, while I try to throw them into an empty paper bag, usually end up in the posession of one of the dogs. I know, its gross--but they lick their butts and apparently snot is even better than butt.

2. sitting/laying very still, lest my back just rip itself out of my body and walk off in a snit. I'm only 25 and yet I have the back of a 60 year old.

3. throwing up or feeling like I'm approximately 3 seconds away from doing so. This has actually gotten better over the last few weeks. I no longer spend the majority of my time actually in the bathroom, now I'm merely contemplating it.

Today, its door number two. I pulled a muscle in my lower back--get this--taking off my shoes. Oh..you just can't make stuff like that up. Oh well--its not a major pull, just enough to keep my on the couch today watching the Amy Fisher story on Lifetime.

I'm feeling pretty good although I have the first OB appointment tomorrow. I had to make it with one of the nurse practitioners (over my protestations that I really needed to see one of the actual doctors). My luck, of course, I get B., the nurse I hate. Shes the one that brushed me off when I told her I was having problems conceiving. My cycles were, oh, 12-13 weeks but she just wasn't ready to admit I had a problem. I yelled, I cried, I walked out. And now, lucky me, I get to go back and see her. I miss my RE's office. I really looked forward to the reassurance of ultrasounds and high-tech solutions and I fear tomorrow will provide me with nothing to combat my fear that this pregnancy is in trouble.

Why? I have no idea. Maybe its the bleeding that showed up on the ultrasound, maybe its just my extreme pessimism. I don't know when it will all be ok--probably not until I have actual living, breathing, crying, pooping proof in my arms. I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and I've been in deep consultation with Dr. Google this morning trying to find exact miscarriage rates by week but haven't had luck yet. All I can find is that ever so vague 5% post-heartbeat stat and I want more.

So anyway, I'm home knitting today on a hat for the hubby. He went through my entire stash of yarn (all 11 tubs of it) and picked out some of the most boring yarn I had. Its true boy yarn--although at least I should be happy its a color. And I love him, so I'll make whatever he wants.

its not like I'll be busy lifting weights or anything anyway.

Posted by fruitychick at 01:06 PM | Permalink

I had my second ultrasound on Monday and, although I was feeling fairly pessimistic about it, things looked good. There is still a pesky spot of bleeding so the doctor put me on restrictions about lifting, etc etc... Then, he said he was releasing me. They printed out a bunch of stuff for me to take to my OB and then I left. I cannot believe I actually have made it this far. I would love to stay at my clinic since I like Dr. Army so much but I'm glad to be released--its like a vote of confidence which I need, since I seem to have none of myself.

So I called and made the appointment with my OB. I'm staying with the same one I had last time mainly just for ease of not having to explain everything thats happened to me. I hope they are willing to accomodate my craziness and demands. I'd like frequent ultrasounds, more monitoring and any type of tests they can offer. I don't want to go so long without seeing someone at the practice--Its mainly just for my peace of mind but its important to me and if they aren't going to go along with things, I'll find another clinic.

I've been knitting a bit. Nick's sweater is still only a single sleeve but I'm going to work on it this weekend. I'm also going to knit Laura's new hat with her during the knit along.

I also need to make some new mittens. I have many pairs of hand knit mittens and couldn't find any of them this morning. how distressing...

anyway--happy turkey day, everyone!

Posted by fruitychick at 01:41 PM | Permalink

Well, we had the first sonogram yesterday morning. There was mixed news:

The good: there was a heartbeat and the baby was measuring perfectly. 5w 5d--which, if I charted correctly, is right on for where I should be. So that was extremely reassuring.

The bad: there was some bleeding that showed up on the screen. Just a spot about as big as the fluid surrounding the pregnancy--which, although it looked large on the screen isn't really that big. It wasn't right next to the baby and the doctor said that it looked like the baby was implanted well. He didn't seem very concerned and reassured me that it wasn't abnormal and my pregnancy would likely continue without incident but I'm still really nervous about it. I mean, bleeding is bad, right? Thats was every pregnancy book ever written drills into you. And "its not abnormal"? what the heck kind of phrase is that? that implies its not normal either....good grief, charlie brown, could I just get a straight answer? He wasn't my usual doctor but I'll see Dr. Army when I go in for my repeat.

I haven't had any spotting at all so I'm trying hard to convince myself that maybe its old blood thats all done actually bleeding and, by next scan, maybe it will be gone. I have another scan on the 21st, so there is a bit of waiting still to be done.

Mostly, its very good news--seeing the heartbeat, which I didn't really expect to see, was great. It was very small but flashing furiously and it brings a lot of hope with it.

Other than that, I woke up with my husband's cold yesterday, so more days off work are ahead of me. I must add here that I absolutely love my boss. I called him when I got back yesterday and let him know I'd be out the rest of the week and he actually sounded glad that I was going to sit home and take care of myself. He said the baby is more important than getting things done there and just let him know when I'd be back.

I guess the upside to staying home on the couch is that I might actually get the Harry Potter Sweater done in time for the movie.

Posted by fruitychick at 07:24 AM | Permalink

is 179! Definite doubling happening here. I'm still nervous as hell and I think I will be for quite some time. I go back on Monday for a repeat beta and, if things continue to go well, I'll have a sonogram in about two weeks. I have no idea what happens after that; I seem to remember during the first consultation I had that they will follow me for 8-10 weeks and then release me to my regular ob.

I am so totally freaked out right now. I'm thrilled and scared to death all at the same time. I'm still trying hard to not count chickens but also be thankful for the two pieces of good news.

thank you all so much for the kind words--I have been overwhelmed with your comments and well-wishes. It really means a lot to me.

Other funny things that happened to me on my birthday:

1. the dogs left me a present in the kitchen (we have a dog door to the outside so they can go in and out during the day)--a dead rabbit. actually, just the head was brought inside for me--the body was lying on my back door welcome mat.

2. I was summoned to jury duty.

at least the good news outweighs the bad...

Posted by fruitychick at 04:21 PM | Permalink

13 dpo beta was 79. Good news but still not counting any chickens. Actually, i'm not even looking at the eggs yet--I want to have no real or implied counting happening.

I got back for repeat betas thursday and monday. hopefully the news will continue to be good.

I thought I would be really excited but I think I'm just freaked out. I went from stressing about getting pregnant to stressing about staying pregnant. I realized this morning that this will either end in the best day of my life or another truly awful day and I have absolutely no control over which will come to fruition and thats incredibly scary.

Anyway...just wanted to share the good news (I'm still debating about whether calling it "good" news is possible chicken counting).

Posted by fruitychick at 05:08 PM | Permalink

I'm currently 12 DPO and have been testing in vain for a couple of days. Since 7 DPO, actually. Yes, I know there wasn't a snowball's chance of hell I would actually get a positive 7 DPO but I got the tests ON SALE. and Yes, I know I'm rationalizing.

Anyway, I tested Sunday morning. And there was a faint line. A VERY faint line. So faint, I thought it was just my morning goo eyes trying so desperately to see something that in actuality wasn't really there. I stared and stared. Finally, I thought it was just the reactive strip and went back to bed. When my husband woke up, I told him what had happened and he got up with me to go stare at the stick. Yes, I know it was way way way past the acceptable time. He didn't see it at first and then saw it.

So...off to target to purchase a different brand. I was going to wait until this morning but took another yesterday afternoon--it was faintly positive as well. Then three more this morning--one certainly positive, two probable negatives.

I made an appointment with Dr. Army for 7 am tomorrow morning to have my levels checked and see whats going on. I am trying very very hard to not start counting my chickens before they are hatched but this is really the first bit of hope I've had in a long long while. and 3 positives? isn't that a good sign?

dammit, I wish I could just go ahead and be a chicken counter--haven't we all deserved that? see two pink lines, no matter how faint and start decorating the nursery and picking out names? I really really want to start counting but I'm doing my best to hold back--at least until I get the blood results back. I want to see those numbers grow.

My birthday is wednesday...so this will either be a really great birthday present or a just another lousy wednesday.

Posted by fruitychick at 05:13 PM | Permalink

Since we left our herione, her certainty that she had ovulated in time to attempt pregnancy before the medical interventions began has crumbled. She has had four temperatures on or slightly below her coverline. 97.6, 97.6, 97.5, 97.5 after a spike of 97.9 the day after her positive OPK (or should I say "so called positive" OPK). Still feeling stupidly optimistic, she checked her cervix and fluid and, of course, things had gone back to their semi-fertile state.

"damn" she said, loudly in the bathroom to herself upon seeing the high quality fluid.

Defeated and convinced she would never be able to conceive a child naturally, she drove to Dr. Army's office on Monday morning. He told her and Mr. Fruitychick that Mr. Fruity's morphology wasn't great. Overall, he wasn't worried since his count and all other factors were well above normal. However, he wouldn't recommend taking any type of chances with a timed intercourse cycle. It would be straight to IUI for them, after, of course, the sperm had had a nice bath and massage.

However, there was one bit of happiness for them, as our herione did leave the office with an actual perscription for glucophage, which she began that night. Oh yes, boys and girls, she had her tasty italian BMT from subway and down that pill went! She sat smuggly and held the bottle for a while, sure in her belief that it would be a panacea for all her ills.

But, the story takes another turn for the worse here. See, one of the nasty side effects of this potentially miracle drug is its ability to make the one who takes it very sick. Oh yes, she sat in the bathroom for many hours Monday night and even into the Day on tuesday. She went to a conference for work but spent a good amount of time there in the bathroom. When the catered lunch was served, she almost yakked upon it and so she left for the day.

Now she is at her husbands office, as it was on the way home and she doesn't have keys to his chariot. See, silly her, she thought she would be ok today, so she took public transportation with Mr. Fruity. She is currently waiting for her husbands meeting to be over, so that he can help her home to her favorite PJ pants, a warm bed, and puppies who wiggle with joy upon seeing her.

Will our herione make it through tuesday night? do not be certain, for our tale has not yet reached its conclusion. She may end up in the sweet future see seeks with such ferocity or she may end up chained in the "dungeon of the infertile" forever. She must take another pill tonight with a dinner she is surely not going to want and she must repeat to herself that it will all be worth it someday--someday hopefully not too far off.

Later in the week, we'll check back in with our herione to see if she has been able to battle the Dragon of Diarrhea into submission and if she is still as optimistic as she was monday morning.

Only time will reveal the end of this tale...

Goodnight, boys and girls, and sleep tight.

Posted by fruitychick at 02:05 PM | Permalink

cervical fluid drying up? check
cervix changes? check
temperature spike? check.

looks like we may have actually acheived ovulation. now I just have to wait around for a while to see if it the stars continue to align.

I had my pap today, the very last step in my prescreening stuff. It was fairly awful--I haven't been to my gyn for a while and had forgotten about all the pregnant women that would be there. How on earth could i forget? i have no idea. but there I was, in an elevator of four women--three of whom were pregnant and one of which was me. then, i ventured into the waiting room where there were tons of happily pregnant women and one there for her one month post partum checkup. how did i know? because she was breastfeeding a tiny baby. oh...how depressing...

anyway--looks like i'm in the tww now. this is the most nerve wracking part...

Posted by fruitychick at 12:34 PM | Permalink

My parents know about our struggles with infertility. Honestly, I don't know if I could not talk about it with them--my mom and I talk almost daily. Our conversations are rarely about anything important, I just need to chat with her. Shes always been there for me when I needed her and now I need her more than ever before. I don't tell my mom knitty gritty details--but she knows the basic gist of things like treatments and what exactly is wrong. My dad is a little more removed from the situation--he knows we've been trying and having some problems. He's pretty perceptive though, so he probably knows more than that, we just don't really talk about it much. I know he'd drop everything and come and be with me if I needed him though--thats just the kind of guy he is.

My in-laws, however, are another matter. My husband hasn't told them anything about us even trying to get pregnant again. I'm not really sure but I think it bothers me a little. My in-laws and I don't really get along. They are pretty hard on N and I--I don't know if its that they dissapprove of me or what but we just aren't close.

I live in fear of talking to them about it--getting caught on the phone and having them ask if we've though about trying again. I don't really feel its my place to tell them--they should probably hear it from N but, then again, I don't want to lie and say we aren't trying or that we are trying without help. Infertility is something I've talked about with a lot of people. Its nothing I'm ashamed of--I compare it to diabetes--its just a disease. I don't know why I care so much--i rarely talk to these people and yet I care what they think.

Posted by fruitychick at 04:27 PM | Permalink

A few years ago, a friend of mine got really sick. None of the doctors she saw could tell her what was wrong--she was diagnosed with everything from mononucleosis to chronic fatigue. She wasn't sick or dying, she just felt like crap every single day. I distinctly remember one conversation when she said "Hell, I'd stand on my head and drink goat piss every day if someone told me it would work" (good ending though--she eventually got better)

I'm not yet to that level yet but I am worrying about just how far this will have to go. Will clomid work for me? will IUI be worth it? If that doesnt work will we go through IVF? I know its too soon to start worrying about it but I just can't help it when it seems like every resource out there, from books to dear Dr. Google seem to mention IVF when it comes to infertility. It seems like it is locked in as some ultimate destination. I don't want to go there but I also admit that I would if I had to. Heck, I too, would drink Goat Piss if necessary.

I'm really not cynical all the time, I've just had a bad couple of days. Yesterday was *the* day--the day I lost my daughter last year. My husband and I both took off work and sat around the house--we didn't know what to do--I didn't really want to go out but I didn't want to just sit at home and cry (although that did happen at a few points). Now starts the several months of torture in which every day is marked off in perfect month segments:

Sept. 26/27--the day I found out, the day I delivered.
Oct 26--my birthday
Nov. 27--my due date.
Dec. 25--Christmas.

Christmas last year was awful--we didn't really celebrate. We told all our family not to send gifts or cards but a few still managed to get through. It was hard--like noone really got just how awful it was for us. This year, I have the great benefit of it being my sister's first christmas with her first baby. did I mention she had a baby? yeah, thats the greatest part of my life the last year: my sister got pregnant just about 5 weeks after I lost my baby and she delivered last month. So my life is hell. Its months off and I'm already dreading the holidays. My parents and I still have a good relationship but I haven't spoken to my sister since she had her son. I just can't--I feel like she should have respected me a little more than to get pregnant right away (yes, she was trying) and I just don't want to be the one to fix it. What am I supposed to do: call her up and say "hi, i'm ready to hear your apology now"

I know there will be a long discussion with my family about whether or not i will visit over the holidays. Regardless of my status, my answer is no. I won't go if I'm not pregnant and I won't go if I am--I'm taking NO risks this time. No planes, no trips, nothing.

Anyway--its been a bad couple of days and I'm looking forward to all this stuff I am already dreading and worrying about. Goat piss anyone?

Posted by fruitychick at 06:06 PM | Permalink

Well, everything is all over. The HSG was pretty darn crappy but not as awful as I expected. I did almost faint afterwards though; theres just something about being injected with dye that makes me a little woozy. At least I didn't yak though.

The results: the tubes are both open, as we had suspected. On one hand, I'm glad we did the test just to rule out all things but on the other hand, I don't see why it was necessary at this point. We had no reason to believe the tubes were blocked and since I had been pregnant before, isnt that pretty good evidence they (or at least one) are open? Well, that is probably pretty good evidence that I'm fertile and thats not the case, so maybe I'll just shut up now.

But, on to the part that really frosts me: I had three conversations this week--two with the radiology people who did the HSG and one with the bloodlab people who drew my bloodwork. All three were about word for word the same. Something like this:

Me: Hi, I'm here for ___. Here is my lab slip. (shows labslip with says name of fertility clinic at top--and yes, it actually says ...... FERTILITY CLINIC)

Them: okie dokie--we'll need you to sign these papers.

Me: ok. (I go and sit down and begin filling them out. Get to second page where I have to mark the "not pregnant" box. Sigh... this sure is fun.)

(I take the papers back up to the counter person)

Them: Are you absolutely *sure* you're not pregnant. Would you like to take a pregnancy test just to be sure.

Me: yes, I'm sure. I'm here for fertility treatment. (not that I don't have my own little obsession for peeing on sticks. but, come on, at the doctors office you don't even get to do it yourself--where's the fun in that?)

Them: oh. ok.

Repeat three times.

I hate this conversation. Yes, I am sure I'm not pregnant. If I were, I certainly wouldn't be here, you nimrod. Why don't you look at the top of the labslip and see where its from before you ask inane questions.

erg...people.

We also went to injection class on thursday. It was no big deal at all--I'm not scheduled for any intramuscular drugs as of yet so I only had to deal with the little tiny needle. It wasn't bad at all although she did instill a good amount of fear in us about injecting ourselves with air and giving ourselves an air embolism.

Anyway, so I have completed all of my presreening except for an updated pap. I have that on the seventh--the friday before my follow up with the Doc. The only hurdle yet to jump is getting the insurance straightened out--the clinic has to have a statement from them before we can begin treatment and apparently I have really slow insurance, so it might not be there before my follow up. I will probably have to have my period induced though, so maybe they will go ahead and do that so we are ready when the insurance statement arrives.

Why do they even need an insurance statement? My insurance doesn't really cover much of the treatment (although I am happy it covers what it does--prescreening and drugs) so whats the big deal?

The past few days have been a wash as far as doing anything else since I've been wiped out from either the HSG or the bloodwork (someone who does not ever eat refined sugar drinking liquid sugar...) but I have gotten a lot of knitting done. I finished a pair of stripy (self patterning) socks and am onto the second of a pair of KPPPM socks. lovely...lovely

Hubbie took me to the yarn garden in annapolis yesterday after the bloodwork was over. I found some lovely manos to make a hat (color 113) as well as a few other goodies including my umpteenth sheepy tape measure. The latest one died in a tragic accident involving a bloodthirsty schnoodle. Oh--and I ordered some lorna's laces sock yarn and a jordana paige knitters purse (i've been lusting after one for a long long time now...I figured there's nothing like nasty medical proceedures to convince yourself to indulge in something.)

Will post pictures soon (its still dark out here so I can't get any good ones now (nor do I want to wake my sleep husband by taking pictures of yarn...thats a little too odd. ))

Posted by fruitychick at 06:34 AM | Permalink

think that song, but with different words. More like:

they'll inject dye into you, tomorrow...bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow,
you'll have some cramps.

just thinking about tomorrow...

yikes. can we say I'm a little freaked out about the HSG tomorrow? I've heard from several people it should hurt that bad but I'm still working myself into a tizzy. I started the antibiotics for it this morning and started barfing as soon as I got to work. Nothing like those late 70's government orange bathroom stalls to help the process along though. So, all in all, tomorrows going to be a big day: injection class at 10, Hubbie's drop off at 1 then must be at radiology for HSG by 1:15. oh--and insert "take several painkillers" at various points throughout the day.

I came home early and am going to spend the rest of the day vegging out on the couch finishing up a sock.

Speaking of knitting--here are the fiber trends clogs I finished over the weekend as well as the sleeve of the knew rogue

I must say, I really really really love these clogs. I made them with brown sheep bulky (single strand instead of the double strand of worsted called for in the pattern) in periwinkle and charcoal. I usually wear a 6 1/2 to 7, so I made the medium but next time, I'll make the small since they are still a tad big. The pattern was great although, because of the decrease rows, its certainly not mindless knitting. Time to complete: about 7 hours plus felting and drying time. (it took at least three cycles and I spun them dry and wore them while they were damp)

I like this rogue much better than the previous attempt (with knitpicks alpaca silk). I liked the previous yarn, it just wasnt right for rogue. This (peace fleece in antarctic) is much much better although it sure does make a stiff fabric. The swatches softened with washing though, so I think its going to be fan-tastic, baby.

Posted by fruitychick at 09:56 AM | Permalink

Yesterday was Day Three (imagine that with vaguely darth vaderish music playing in the background) and I went in for my first round of bloodwork. It was weird--the office was much different on the weekends. There were a lot more people there (read: a lot more men) and one couple even brought their kids. I have somewhat mixed feelings about that (hey, lets pour a little salt into everyone else's open wound, shall we?) but thats probably just me.

Most interesting to me, everyone was pretty young. I'm only 24 and I guess I expected to be one of the younger people there waiting but, to my best guess, there were only a few women there who looked over 35. I guess it just goes to show that infertility really can happen to anyone. I don't know if that makes me more discouraged (read: irritated at the general populations lack of knowledge about infertility and unwillingness by insurance companies to me more aggressive in treatment) or more hopeful. I guess only time will tell.

The best part of the morning was realising the muzak being pumped over the intercom was an instrumental version of "I Like the Way You Move" yeah, baby, that just screams fertility clinic, don't you think?

I had my first vaginal ultrasound. It didn't really hurt but it was uncomfortable when she checked my ovaries. And just how did they look? well, it looked a lot like swiss cheese. I had something like 12 cysts in my right overy and 15 in my left. The nurse said something like "string of pearls" but all I heard was "balls of evilness." maybe it was the accent.

Anyway, I have scheduled:
an HSG
injection class (sounds way scary, doesnt it?)
a pap
a glucose test
my husband's "special time with ms. cuppie"
other random bloodwork

I'm feeling ok about it all--I'm glad things are happening and I guess thats all I can do for now.

On the knitting front (yes, I actually do still knit): I'm about finished with a noro sweater (nothing special, just a crew neck cardie) and I started rogue for something like the 30th time. I should get my camera back in order (it was loaned out for a while to my father in law who was in the amazon (no, really)) sometime soon, so i'll take pics of the sweaters in progress. oh--and my new fiber trends clogs. ah-freaking-dorable.

Posted by fruitychick at 05:41 PM | Permalink

Pregnancy seems an easy enough thing to do. Boy meets girl, yadda yadda yadda, oops--were pregnant. The teachers in my tenth grade health class certainly made it seem like you could get pregnant from sitting to close to a boy in class. Fertility was something to be feared--like the flu. Heres the shocker though--its not that easy for some of us. Scratch that--not only is it not easy its not even mildly annoying or even mostly hard. Its harder that bowling ball I dropped on my toe during high school.

I never thought I would be among the ranks of the leper like infertile but here I am and I'd like to say: its just what you think it is--it sucks--big time.

We started hopefully enough; then my cycles started lengthening at a rate faster than the expansion of the universe. Six weeks...eight weeks...10 weeks...not a period in sight. Oh, back in the day when I first started my period I would have loved to be able to give it up for months at a time and now I'm thinking to myself "wouldn't it be nice to bleed every couple of weeks?"

So, I finally made the appointment to see the honest to god RE (reproductive endocrinologist for the uninitiated). I just got back with an armful of labsheets, information sheets and protocols. It sure does look fun, let me tell you. From what I can tell from the dozen or so things that have to be done in the next couple of weeks, we are headed down the path of glucophage/clomid IUI.

A cruise to the Bahamas? How about a weekend in Mexico? Oh--I hear Iceland is very pretty as well. Nah, how about we spend 2 grand having someone inject me full of drugs and then add that helpful little squirt of my husbands contribution. That sounds way better than a cruise.

I'm really trying to keep my sense of humor about this but I have to go make an appointment to have my uterus injected with dye so we can all rest assured there isn't a small civilization setting up residence in my tubes that would prevent an egg from strolling past. I'll let you know how my sense of humor is doing after that...

Posted by fruitychick at 12:06 PM | Permalink